dOWNsideUp

My Poem/Song Thingie

2009-02-28T18:39:00.001-08:00

Promises don't seem

to make it through these days

And I know I can't make

all these problems go away

But I can stand here

for all tomorrow and today

i'll stay

When life seems to be okay

then grabs you from behind

Like a horror film playin

deep inside your mind

When nothing seems to work out

and things wont be okay

i'll stay

When miracles

are hard to come by

And I see the soft panic

in the back of your eyes

And i dont know if tomorrow will be okay

i'll stay

Life aint supposed to be simple

it's easy to fall away

When the night is endless

and never comes a day

When the devil holds out his hand

and demands to be paid

i'll stay

I know, I know, "what was she thinking?", right?

2009-02-03T18:33:00.001-08:00

So. I'm planning on leaving for Utah on Monday. I'd leave this week, but I'm kind of super excited about my lesson on Sunday (I'm giving it), I need to quit my "job", and my car needs an oil change BIG TIME before I leave. I'm also planning on checking my tire pressure before I leave, which sounds dull and stupid to everyone who KNOWS how to do it, but will be new for me :).

Things I'll miss about SD: ELSKE!, my friends and family, my lovely room with all its stuff and space and privacy, my church calling, the amazing working out weather, and did I mention Elske?

However, with all these things to miss, I'm still VERY excited with the fact that I just might be able to get a job up there. Apparently, a lot of places are still hiring, while down here, my job wont give me any hours because business is SLOW (very).

So right when everything else in my life was shaping up, I have to go and mix it up- all for a job and money so I can GET BACK TO SCHOOL!!

My goal is to get into BYU, BYUID, or LDSBC (last resort) by April (summer semester) and finally finish. I'm also writing a book and my other goal is to keep up my momentum.

So I'm leaving. I'm excited to get on with my life and absolutely terrified of leaving something that was just about to work out (aka job & love). But I cant sit here waiting any more- I gotta make something happen. gah!

My Jaded and Faded Month

2009-01-22T23:53:00.000-08:00

January was (and is i guess) a shaky month.

the fact that everyone *including myself* is getting over the holiday rush must have contributed to my jaded attitude when it comes to housework, cooking, and the overall "doing" of anything to be done.

because my lovely work had decided to drop all my hours (i've gotten 2 1/2 in the past 4 WEEKS), I've had a ridiculously large amount of free time on my hands; however, instead of increasing my productivity, it's pretty much squashed it. maybe it's the fact that my life is one giant black hole, or it's me.

i'm starting to think it's me.....

just kidding. i knew it was me all along :)

dangit

anyways, i think i'm going to blame bones. no, not the show (even though it's my favorite :D )

but actual bones.

you see, it all comes down to elske and her bones. (elske is my CUTEST dog but more importantly my walking and jogging and sprinting and whatever buddy) she got arthritis or hip displasia or both. she's always limping and sore and is much less fun (but i love her just as much). but now it's hard for me to go on my daily hour long walks that made me so happy before. i'm not lazy (about that) but i just cant LEAVE for a walkie when shes looking at me all sad and uncomprehending and then does that puppy face....... mmmmffff sosad....

so i havent been exercising as much and my body (although not too spongy) is missing the endorphin boost.

i also blame me for, you know, slacking.

i really dont see an endpoint and i dont have a direction for my future right now so i'm feeling rather unmotivated (but guilt still works).

so january sucks. i cant find a new job in sd. i dont have enough $ to move away from sd.

i cant stand not having a job. i cant stand cleaning and cooking anymore. i cant stand for living in filth either.

i dont know.

Why I Hate The Holidays

2009-01-02T23:13:00.000-08:00

So *confession* i AM a scrouge when it comes to the holiday season, and here's why:

i started out with a cold.... for 2 weeks ( i still have remnants of it) and then i got the flu. all during the holidays, when the house is jam packed full of people, including 2 (but mainly 1) kiddos who CANT afford to get sick because they get put in the hospital when that happens.

....and did i mention Christmas music and the fact that it's evil, pure EVIL. it's like a commercial and elevator music put together on the annoyingness level.

okay, i've explained myself and now that the holidays are OVER (yay) i can get on with my life (until this coming november at least). it's nice to get back to normal. elske doesnt seen to be suffering from the infrequent walks i go with her on so that's great news. :) (elske is my dog, in case you didnt know and she's been limping and being sore for a while now but is getting better)

I myself have been doing great this year in the exercise department.... not that you needed to know that but now you do.

SO i'm really tired which is why i'm babbling and i wish i could say i'd write later but i probably wont. so there. i'm going to bed now. goodnight. ...........................................................

She's Here, She's There, She's Everywhere!!

2008-12-07T22:22:00.000-08:00

so i'm in sd. and although i dont want to be, i'll be here for a while. i was TRYING to get to salt lake for the winter 09 semester, but that's not gonna happen because i ran outta time and $$.

there's nothing like the winter time to make you grateful for everything in your life and mainly i'm grateful for my family and friends and church. i'm not trying for sainthood or anything, but i'm so glad for my church because without it, i wouldnt know how much Christ loves me and helps me. it makes me want to be a better person. :)

so i'm trying to survive. and i'm trying HARD to make it through the holiday season with a clean house and very little stress on my mom. she's working still so it's hard on her to have a lot on her plate. my vendetta to clean the house will hopefully help this.

right now my main goals are:

1) get a second job with more hours

2) SAVE my money for spring college and apartment

3) go to byu provo (cringe) in the spring.

right now (sunday) i'm recovering from my first teaching experiance in sunday school. it didnt quite come out as planned, as in, not very spiritual, but i was coherent so that was a victory in my book. i was nervous and that made me babble and it's weird how things come out funnier when you're babbling. plus *confession* i sweat when i'm nervous and i couldnt bring myself to put my arms up. it made putting up the signs on the whiteboard that much more awkward. and my class was full. which it never is. *sigh* it was a lot of fun but i'm glad it's over. geez i'm sweating just thinking about it.

so i'm nearly done with all my holiday shopping and i'm sooo happy about it :) i'm also done with birthday presents up until feb. *pats self on shoulder*

so i posted (finally) and that proves that yes, i'm still alive. *pats self on shoulder again*

thE bESt dEfENSE iS A GOOd OffENSE

2008-10-30T21:37:00.000-07:00

so i'm always so frustrated with people WHO DONT POST or UPDATE THEIR STATUS because even if their life is as boring as it sounds, it really cant be as boring as mine! and i want to hear about the boring stuff anyways. :) ... and then i was thinking about how my mouse always glides on over to my blog link and never clicks on it because i never feel like writing down my boring life... and i had a big "....oh...." moment.

that's it

so what's going on in my life?

i start my new job at victoria secret on thursday! and i'm soooo excited, but job searching isnt over because i think i may need another job if i'm ever going to pay those stupid bills (or actually spend money on something i want!).

but until i know for sure, i'm HERE at HOME being bored but not really- just avoiding anything i need to be doing and not going anywhere because i'm weak ^_^ and WILL spend money! plus then i dont have to pay for gas.

so my dad moved his office into the front bedroom which is fine because it's temp. but makes it SO much harder to pretend that i'm

a) not sleeping in until ridiculous hours

and

b) doing something constructive with my time

oh yeah and

c) not eating and hording/hiding any precious junk food in the house (family diet thingie) so if it's somewhat sugary at all, it's NOT AVAILABLE FOR THE RANDOM AND/OR GLUTINOUS PILFERING BY BROTHERS THAT DO. NOT. LIVE. HERE! that's right, they come, they eat (all the good stuff), they leave. sonotfair!

BUT

i swear i'd do "b" if SOMEONE turned on the freaking AIR CONDITIONER ever once in a while because it's SOOOOO fricking HOT!!!! rar.

but seriously, it's impossible to do anything that involves moving and not taking siestas.

oh yeah

so i'm NOT going to Utah (the place with cooler weather *sighs longfully*)

because i'm so in debt right now that it's just easier to loaf around at my parent's house and trying not to open anything that looks remotely like a bill.

on a good note....

i have my elske dog. i love her!

.:Where it Lands... No one Knows:.

2008-10-07T19:32:00.000-07:00

so i'm trying to find a job (if you haven't gleaned that from my previous entries) and so i dont know where i'll be staying until i get one. If i magically get one in san diego, then i'll go there- if i get one in utah.... i'll stay here.

i'm somewhat torn, though. on one hand, i love my family and san diego and ELSKE! (my dog) and on the other i love utah's CHANGING weather and i really want my own apartment. i also have to get my year's residency in before i can go to a university here.

the whole thing's getting old fast.

i'm also writing a book but it's so much work. it's frustrating b/c i'm such a perfectionist. and dont ask me what it's about! I reveal nothing until i've finished. it just seems cheesy otherwise *grimace*

btw i MISS my ELSKE!!! a lot. i cant wait to finish my schooling so i can be with her again. all this inner trauma for a dog... i'm SUCH a sucker.

with this pathetic admission, i say GOODNIGHT

take a good hard look

2008-10-04T13:39:00.000-07:00

I'm in Salt Lake! surprise! (it was kinda last minute) I'm trying to apply to jobs here and maybe go to school if I have enough $, otherwise I'll work until I get residency so I don't have to pay through the nose. Heather's awesome for allowing me to pay a lifetime of servitude in exchange for a room in her basement until I get an apartment. I LOVE her new house and- even though it's showing what a freak I am I admit that- I LOVE cleaning it (most days). That's my plan.... for now.

I'm so tired of deciding where to be and so scared that I'll miss something important if I get it wrong, so I'm just going to do what I want until the busy signal goes away and my prayers get answered. Oooo. That's a good line. I should write an uninspirational poem about it. (I'm not being sarcastic).

So here's a song called "Why does it always rain on me?" by Travis and it's completely what I've been trying to write a poem about (forever) and was never happy with the outcome. So there. http://www.lyricsfreak.com/t/travis/why+does+it+always+rain+on+me_20140518.html

you're awful- i love you

2008-09-12T16:04:00.000-07:00

heyyyy... i KNOW i KNOW it's been a while.

So im in sd

and i quit my job at quiznos (it's a long and drama-filled story full of juicy details that i dont like sharing- point is... there were good reasons behind it) and even though i dont have a job right now, it was worth it 100%.

So i have a lot of free time

and it feels SOOOO good. i can actually function. even though i can't really make myself take a break (due to serious guilt issues) it's nice to do things that i've been wanting to do. like oragami and catch up on house episodes... can anyone get enough of hugh laurie? nope! :D

So i'm feeling better

and if you dont believe me you're probably very smart. i was actually waiting for a good day to update this so i wouldnt overburden you with difficult problems that really have no solution. aren't i gracious? i think so.

so i'm counting my blessings

literally- i'm counting them. with no repeats no matter how thankful i am.

dangit! i should have allowed repeats.

so i need a job

and the job market here is in the toilet. and not a clean toilet either. one that's backed up with lots of floaties. that's sd right now.

so maybe i'll move

but i'm not pushing it. holiday season's right behind the corner and i hope to be working through most of the major holidays. sure beats the alternative, and im not talking about the music.

will update when something actually happens

or not because if something DOES happen, i'll be doing that and not this.

love yas!! thanks for reading (or at least making my counter go up and letting me think you're reading)

update on my "life"

2008-07-14T00:40:00.001-07:00

i am home

i am working

i am making money

and i want to spend it

but i cant

because bills suck

rar

i have some kind of ear/jaw/neck ache

it HURTS a lot

and advil is good

but doesnt work as well as i'd like

i'm glad to be home

i'm tired

it's still too hot

i want ac

i have to do laundry

i dont like laundry

i have to get ready for bed

which is the only reason

i've put it off so long

i'm reading a good book

it makes me happy

two kids are crying right now

it doesnt make me happy

see kim

see kim run

i like short sentences

dont you?

vegas' weather is getting closer and closer to hells.... hmm

2008-06-18T17:49:00.000-07:00

so im in vegas and my car might have been broken forever but it got fixed... but i still owe dad 800 dollas so thatll be fun to pay off along with my tuition from last semester. i really want to exercise but because its hades weather here, i cant so.. yeah. hope everythings going well for you guys....

just two more months before hell is over

2008-05-28T01:24:00.000-07:00

so i'm obviously way off on my sleeping schedule, but i'm too busy and not bothered enough to fix it. i have to be up in 4 hours. hm.

so. it's way early.

i've now stopped working at quiznos and am only working at blockbuster. so only one job. yay. still no time.

SO. sooooo

i'm homesick. i miss elske. i'm possibly going insane, but that could be pms because it's hard to tell. it wont stop raining here. i finally know what it's like to hydroplane. no accident. still freaked. dont like rain.

miss home and food and the ocean and pool and large bodies of water in general. miss hills and elske and family and tv breaks. miss lack of wierdo roommates. girls are so mean. not to me. to eachother in general. miss elske. miss stores. there's only three clothing stores and a payless here. i dont want to shop. it's just comforting to know that they're there. i now fit into 5 1/2 size shoes. not 7's nemore. maybe it's the water.

no hot guys in my classes. makes them SOOOO boring. no hot guys at church. that too, is boring. i want roast and mashed potatoes and carrots and waffles. not at once. want sunshine, clarity, and a place to keep elske while i'm here.

the doom has come upon me (the week)

2008-05-15T14:47:00.001-07:00

so this week is super busy.

i'm putting off hw now....

hehe

now i'm going to school fulltime

and working 2 jobs.

that last part is temp.

i already gave my two weeks notice at one job

and i start my new one today.

ahhhhhhhh

the impending week of DOOM!!!

2008-05-12T17:29:00.000-07:00

this coming week will be utter suspense

1) count em- 3 presentations!!

i've only finished preparing 2

one is on stoicism - 10 min (tues)

one is on the book of acts- 5 min (havent done it- it's on wed)

one is on the fall of the house of usher by edgar allen poe (thurs)

2) i just gave my two weeks notice

quiznos= satan

it makes me smell like sandwiches and it's REALLY hard work

it makes me brain dead

and i gain weight from being around sandwiches all day

tis bad

3) i just got a new job (which i havent started at yet)

i fill out my papers on wednesday

it's at blockbuster

i dont know if it pays more (min wage is only 15 cents below what i'm being paid now)

but i get free dvd rentals and a discount on other stuff (yay)

THEY called ME

because i did an awsome interview

(and i didnt notice because it was my first one!)

and they kept me on the top of the stack

i feel so unstable!!!!!

and i have a unit test to take for history.

i swear i do more for that BORING class than all my other classes combined!

tis evil

press pause!!!

2008-05-11T18:49:00.000-07:00

so this weekend was a GIANT break for me. in fact, it's the first break i've gotten since school started. plus, since i have THREE reports this week, and i got an A on my last one, i decided that i kind of deserved it......

all my roommates are gone this weekend, so i have the apartment to mYSelF!!!!!! (yay)

i got a calling in my new ward- it's the assistant compassion director person. so i just have to get to know the girls and be there for them if something happens....

problem is....

i know no one

*fail*

a million times better

2008-05-03T23:26:00.001-07:00

so i finally caved and went to the doctor's office. at first i just went in for a strep test but when that turned up negative, the lady was kind enough (well she did owe me for gagging me) to get me in to see the doctor. (big yay for people with nothing better to do) well, the doctor did a mono test (neg!!) and then gave me some steriods (so i can breathe) and some other kind of pill and the DAY i took it, i felt GREAT!! so i'm on my second day and i have gotten more done than the entire week i had that cold-bacteria thing (we'll name it jerry since we dont know what it was).

all in all,

it feels great to feel great

jerry sucked (we dont want jerry again)

tomorrow's sunday (day off!!!)

i survived

back to being negative

2008-04-30T09:01:00.001-07:00

so i woke up today sicker than a dog. i feel soooo crappy and i went to class and i could tell no one wanted me there because i was sick but most of the class is attendance points (no make ups) and so i had to go. i have to work today too, but it's only three hours. my stomach doesnt feel too good. it's snowing in rexburg today. it was snowing this morning when i got outta class. today is gonna be a LONG day.

i wish that there was just a nagic pill i could take to feel better.

but there isnt

crap.

the upside of down

2008-04-26T23:05:00.000-07:00

i just got back from work like, an hour ago.

today was better. i had to work 5-10:30ish, which didnt last forever. i was working with someone else this time and she talked a LOT. but it made time go by faster, so yeah.

i'm still sick, but feeling better about it. i dont know if it's because i'm always on sudafed or if it's actually me feeling better. yay for meds!

i got my sticker for parking today, which is a BIG relief. opens a LOT of more spaces to me.

all in all, i feel a lot better at the end of today.

next week i'm working 30 hours (that's bad).

whoever answered the phone at work didnt take down my message to give me less, and the manager made the schedule in the meantime. RAR. when and if i ever find out who it is they will be very sad (and possibly missing something essential for reproduction if it's a bad day). or i'll just forget about it and wait until next week to get less hours. whatever. i can survive another week......

right?

it's still snowing..... ew

2008-04-25T17:40:00.001-07:00

so i'm sick

this week has been pretty bad in that department.

i've had a cold all week (still do) and food poisening on top of that. that was a great mix.

i called in sick today and i already feel better.

i have no money.

i have lots of schoolwork

and a parking ticket.

i need therapy.

haha. things got pretty low this week so there's only one way to go, and that's up. i know that the adversary is working really hard on me here, so there must be a good reason why.

but i'm going to do my best

no matter what.

and no one- especailly him- can stop me.

go team.

my life thusfar seems to be seriously lacking?

2008-04-21T20:20:00.000-07:00

so.
im getting sick.
wee.
so if im super duper negative and not happy, that's why.
sorry in advance.

MONDAY: MY FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL
(was a joke)

so i woke up EARLY today and was late to class anyway.
i know, TOTALLY not like me (i'm usually freakishly on time)
why??? oh why, cruel fate.
well, my car wouldnt go into park because it's freaking FREEZING here. like it still snows.
so after 7:45 came around (when my class starts) i decided to leave the key in the ignition, club my steering wheel, and run my cold butt to class.
and i did.
and i only had to ask for directions ONCE.
yay
then, TWO HOURS LATER, class was over. never thought it would happen. so i'm right next to the admin building. so i go in. i'm like, "i'm gonna get a parking sticker, and get my financial aid all taken care of, and be totally awsome!!"
i was sooooo wrong.
you need to apply online for the permit before you can buy them. how gay is that?? so i couldnt do that. so i look for the financial aid office (room 100) and no one knows where the heck it is. the information desk didnt even know. so i wandered around the first floor looking like an idiot for like, 10 min.
gave up.
decided to call quiznos because i dont know when i'm goona work next.
turns out that i'm sopossed to be at work in two minutes.
JUST THEN
all hell breaks loose and there are freaking students EVERYWHERE!!
so after countless broken laws and swearing, i make it to my apt., grab my clothes, dash like a mad woman to work, and didnt lose my job. (yay) so i worked 10-4. ouch
and i'm sick
with a cough and fever and tirdness.
and tomorrow will be worse.
with more classes and work and i close the store (at 10). boo hoooooooo!!!
no fair.
i'm not even gonna TELL you all about evil soda machines and not knowing HOW to use the dryer here.
i havent made any friends.
and idaho sucks

tHE iNtERNEt doesNT EXISt iN idAhO!!

2008-04-17T19:38:00.000-07:00

so i just made an awsome discovery.

there is NOTHING in idaho!!!!

that's right, folks!

okay, so i was exagerating a bit when i said nothing, and YES the internet DOES reach the brown (and so far empty) road of rexburg. i just cant get it in my apartment. my computer doesnt like their connections, but one of my roommates has a friend who's moving back in monday who also has a mac who i can ask. (sigh of releif).

so i got a job at quiznos here and i start friday (which i think is tomorrow, but i'm so lost- i'll totally have to look it up). i also have a chance at getting a job at blockbuster, which would rock mah socks because EVERYONE wants to be friends with someone who gets free movie rentals ("everyone" = me). so i'd love it!!

so far, two out of my five roommates have moved in and they are WAY awsome!! (so far).... (that's pessimistic, i know)..... (what do you want from me?!?!?!)
one's named hannah and the other's named kaitlyn. also, there will be another kim moving in with us, as well as another kaitlyn. the other one is unknown. we shall see....

so apparently everything will liven up here on friday. i went and toured (kinda of) campus and got my books and "i-card" (id card for byu). ya..... i'm super duper excited for school to start. i also really really really hope i get that job at blockbuster, but if i dont, i'm set because i also have a job already.

i dont know if im coming home for fall semester. it kind of depends on the job situation. sorry. mom!! and elske. and dad. and dd. *smacks head on desk* dont know what i'm doin' here. so empty. so...... white. so.......

yeah! love you all! thanks heather and dee dee for being my references!!! you guys are sooooo awsome!!!

.:LifE beGins MONdaY:.

2008-04-11T19:24:00.000-07:00

so i'm moving into my apartment on monday!!!! <3

i'm super duper excited in case you couldnt tell

i got my appendix checked out last night and everything is a-ok (heather went with me cause i'm a wuss- THANKYOUZ!). yay! it still hurts every once in a while, but it's not bad and it doesnt last.

well, i have to go, because i'm watching the girls and matt tonight for my sister. just waiting for them to go to bed.....

So i NoticeD..... (my first entry. wow.)

2008-04-08T21:15:00.000-07:00

so i noticed that everyone seems to think i have no life.....

okay so maybe they're right......

well you're gonna hear about it anyways.

so i'm officially moved out.

not really.

just out of my apartment and into my sister's house.

hopefully, i'll be in my new *idaoian* apartment on monday. *clouds part and angels sing*

until then, i've taken up residence in my niece's room (she is SO cool for thinking that's cool) next to her barbie doll house and bed.

so i'm thinking about taking my appendix out because it's not behaving. maybe it'll just burst and save me the trouble, but i hope not because that hurts :(

so whatever. i'd totally ask anyone's opinion, but, sadly, this isn't a democracy.... it's a dictatorship. so there.